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Dear #fitmom: We have a problem.

Dear #FitMom,

We have a problem, and we need to talk. We’ve been working out together for a while now. You’re in those leggings with the cool see-through streaks in them. I’m in the leggings with actual holes in them. You are kind. You say hi to the elderly woman on the treadmill. And you always wipe down the elliptical machine. ALWAYS.

#fitmom we have a problem Nashville Moms Blog

I like you, #FitMom. I bet you’re an amazing mother and a good friend. But I don’t always love what you’re doing. And I’m not talking about the squats.

I’m talking about the hashtag.

You know the one.

It’s right there underneath the snapshot you just posted of your bare belly on instagram:  

#fitmom #noexcuses #mombod #fitspo

You look good. And you know it. And the world knows.

You’re not trying to mom shame. But as anyone who has ever potty trained a kid knows, accidents happen. You make physical fitness a priority in your life, and you are proud of the work that you’ve done. You dang well should be. The #fitmom thing is supposed to inspire other mothers to get active. It’s supposed to be empowering. But I’m here to tell you that it isn’t always, at least not for everyone. There may be something better to offer mothers in a post partum space.

I could go on about the fact that we talk too much about women’s bodies already. I could say that focusing on post-partum fitness shifts the focus away from overall postpartum wellness. Or I could talk about the fact that if I posted a snippy picture of myself breastfeeding with a passive aggressive #noexcuses after it I’d be mobbed by a sea of (rightfully!) angry women. But I won’t. Instead, I’d rather just help you out.

If it’s empowerment you want, let’s talk about it.

You do a lot of empowering stuff as a mother. But sit-ups aren’t one of them.

You had a baby a little over a year ago. So did I. Actually, I had two babies—but who’s counting?! (Spoiler alert: my vagina is definitely counting.)

I know the year you’ve had. I am in it with you, sister. It has been a long, unforgiving slog in the mud.

You haven’t slept more than three hours in a row since the beginning of your third trimester.

Your breasts look like part of a cheap Halloween costume that comes in a plastic bag.

You’re dirty.

You’re exhausted.

You might be depressed.

Some days, you get to the gym. Most days, you live hour-by-hour, over-caffeinating, under-delivering, and wondering if you’re doing any of it right. You are, by the way. You’re doing great.

My biggest problem isn’t with what “#fitmom” says. My problem is with what it neglects to say. It neglects all of the truly inspiring stuff. 

Motherhood is the workout of a lifetime, and it changes you a heck of a lot more than Zumba does. A beautiful and miraculous transformation has taken place here, but it isn’t the one you’re capturing with your selfie-stick by the free weights.

Your brightest glory isn’t in your biceps.

It is in your whole body mysteriously rising up in the middle of the night before the baby even starts crying.

It is in knowing just the right way to bounce him.

And it is in the loneliness—and in the mightiest flashes of joy.

And, of course, it is taking time to practice self-care. Whatever that looks like.

Celebrate that amazing body of yours. But if empowerment is really what you’re after? Celebrate it for all the real work it has done. Celebrate being a #goodmom and a #healthymama instead of just a #fitmom. Sure, strong arms are nice. But you’re just as good at giving hugs and rocking little ones to sleep as you are at lifting. Don’t forget to revel in that too.

Your Friend,

 

Shannon

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67 Responses to Dear #fitmom: We have a problem.

  1. Kristen
    Kristen June 21, 2017 at 1:43 pm #

    Ahhh. Thank you. I exercise as much as I can, but I don’t know how in the world #fitmom does it enough to be #fit, and every time I see those posts, it makes me a little cray-cray. Some days I’m so proud just to take a shower or cook a good meal. #cleanmom #mykidsarefed #ithinkmaybeisleptalso

    • Shannon Lee Miller
      Shannon Lee Miller June 22, 2017 at 6:27 am #

      Hahahaha! #fitmom just really needs to change her hashtag to #superwoman . Actually we should all just use #superwoman😝
      Also, I need a shower today🙏🏻

  2. Shannon June 22, 2017 at 8:14 am #

    There are many days I don’t shower. Many days I throw together dinner. Forget something important that my kids needed. I have two kids. Two kids that think their mom is strong. That love watching me do things for my body. They love being in the gym with me. The community that I provide for them. I am proud of everything I have done for my body. I am a #fitmom. I don’t shame anyone for their choices they are making. I work hard to look the way I do.

    • Shannon Lee MIller
      Shannon Lee MIller June 23, 2017 at 6:14 am #

      And you absolutely should be proud, mama! This was not meant to criticize anybody for a fit lifestyle (I sure have one and I also don’t shower if I can’t make it happen;)

      I would just love to see women celebrating their bodies for the important work they do outside the gym as well. I would love to find a way to make the celebration of our bodies post-partum something more inclusive. Does that make sense?

      xo

  3. Amanda June 22, 2017 at 8:18 am #

    This is a bit judgemental. Do you know those #fitmoms personally? If not, just quit looking at their profiles and you won’t have a problem. I doubt you do know any of them personally, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted this because it would be “calling out” your friends. You aren’t really addressing anything here though. Comparison is such a dangerous trap to be in and that’s kinda what I get from this blog, you comparing different types of moms. I would consider myself one of those #fitmoms. No I don’t post pictures of myself online because my body is for my husbands eyes…but exercising is a priority of mine not only for my physical state, but more for my mental state. I found it the most helpful in figuring out myself again after I had my daughter 2 years ago. (God then exercise….otherwise I’m all over the place with short tempers, unexplained tears, and a hot mess)! Not trying to pick a fight or anything, but what kind of message are you really trying to get out there with these words?!?

    • Shannon Lee MIller
      Shannon Lee MIller June 23, 2017 at 5:46 am #

      Hey Amanda! Thank you for reading and for posting such a thoughtful comment and participating in an important conversation:)
      This is not an indictment of fitness ( I wrote half of this on an elliptical machine BTW) but rather, a reminder for women to celebrate their bodies for the empowering things they do outside the gym with an equal amount pride. I know plenty of #fitmoms and I love them, but I think fitness is a small part of a very big picture when it comes to pre and postnatal wellness. I would love to see that larger picture come into focus as women are navigating motherhood. xo

      • Kasia June 23, 2017 at 8:13 pm #

        I agree that this is pretty judgmental! If I post a picture working out you bet I am a #fitmom and when I post a picture of cooking a healthy meal I am #healthymom and when I post a picture of having a fun day with my kids I am #funmom. I think that you can’t just take a hashtag and say that the mom using is doesn’t celebrate other aspects of motherhood. People who make an entire blog post about something like this need to look inside themselves to figure out WHY it bothers them so much! I know you said you didn’t mean to offend anyone, but I just don’t understand the need to even write a post about something someone else is proud of, ya know?

        • Shannon Lee Miller
          Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 2:33 pm #

          Hi Kasia! Thank you for your awesome comment and i am so inspired that you are celebrating so many different, wonderful aspects of motherhood.
          I’ve thought about this a lot and I think as far as looking inward myself, my desire to speak up came from that I think mothers don’t give their bodies enough credit for
          the work that motherhood requires of them, Or rather, that it seems to be underrepresented on social media.
          It matters to me because I have several friends who found themselves feeling exhausted, out of shape, unattractive and emotionally drained in that delicate post partum space. I want those women to understand how huge motherhood is and how amazing they are for navigating it. I feel like that stuff can get a little lost sometimes.

          • Shannon Lee Miller
            Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 2:36 pm #

            A lot of moms feel immense pressure to bounce back, this is my way of saying “Deep breath, Mama, slow down, you’re doing wonderfully. Walk this path at your own pace”

      • Amanda June 23, 2017 at 11:39 pm #

        I see! Your words just seemed like you were calling mom’s that spend time in the gym (or time posting about it) bad moms and that’s hurtful especially if you have no idea what kind of moms those #fitmoms really are. Someone could easily turn the conversation and judge the time you take to write your blogs as time away from your children and family. Ya know?!? Motherhood is hard…the hardest thing I’ve ever done hands down! But I believe it’s vital we find things that fill us, energize us, and bring us joy so that we can then pour such joy and energy onto our babes. I also believe we should guard time with your husbands to keep the marriage strong, and that includes much needed time alone. In saying that, do what you love and feel called to do, and be ok with others doing what they love. If it bothers you, remove it from your view (I often hide or unfollow people that post LOTS of selfies because I feel that judgment creeping in to where I want to say “practice humility” and I know that’s not right). Thanks for responding! I meant no harm or attack….just passionate about women and our souls!

  4. Kristen June 22, 2017 at 8:47 am #

    This is insane. Don’t shame #fitmom for exercising. If you don’t enjoy it or don’t want to do it, then don’t. But I pride myself in taking care of my body to be the healthiest mom I can be. I am setting an example to my kids to take care of your body and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Suggesting that we are bad moms or that our strong arms are less loving is the most mom shamed I’ve ever felt. I stay up with my kids through the night when they are sick or can’t sleep, I bounce them to soothe, I provide for my entire family, and I’m no less of an amazing mom because I choose to spend an hour at the gym. And I’m proud of the body that created two lives, delivered two babies, and fed those new little babes. So shame on you for lashing out at another mom who is simply doing what she enjoys.

    • Shannon Lee MIller
      Shannon Lee MIller June 23, 2017 at 5:54 am #

      Hey Kristen! I wanted to reach out personally because I absolutely had/have no intention of shaming anybody and I am so sorry that reading this made you feel that way. Something seems to have gotten lost in translation and I wanted to offer you some clarification.
      Of course you should be proud for the work you do in the gym (as was stated in the copy), I exercise every day and it has been a life changer. This was not meant to be an indictment of you or andy other #fitmom. The point of the essay for mothers to considers a message of overall maternal wellness opposed to just fitness. I feel like the idea of wellness can get lost in the aesthetic representations of social media and that we should start celebrating our bodies for the other empowering things motherhood asks of them.

      • Alexandria Y June 24, 2017 at 12:09 am #

        Plenty of moms do celebrate being a fitmom as well as the other aspects of wellness as it pertains to motherhood. You cannot expect all mothers to use social media in the same way. Some mothers choose to be fitmoms on social media while other moms choose to be veganmom, yogamom, healthymom, funnymom, tiredmom. That’s the beauty of social media, while it only represents a snippet of our lives it is OUR lives and they are diverse. Let #fitmom be fit mom if she so chooses to be. Maybe there is something in her past that wasn’t so fit or a parent who suffered from obesity. You are broadcasting your hopes and desires for motherhood on other mothers. Again, social media represents a portion of our lives and we are not required to explain or share anymore or any less. Motherhood is a personal experience. Let it continue to be personal and while we continue to be motivated by people you choose.

  5. Leslie June 22, 2017 at 8:59 am #

    I’m not a #fitmom, but I wish I was. My #fitmom friends work hard, and give up sleep, to make their health a priority, while also being #amazingmom. I’ve been at the pool with them, as their abs glisten. I’m proud of them. For being able to do it all, while being amazing moms, covered in crumbs and ketchup from their 2 year old. I’ve seen them roll in the dirt with toddlers on a camping trip, after a long day of work (in and outside of the home). I don’t want to let my insecurity, or wish for their level of fitness, detract from how great they are. Don’t take anything away from the complexity of their motherhood because of the brevity of their hashtag.

  6. Jaime June 22, 2017 at 9:54 am #

    Being a #fitmom is something I’m very proud of . I have two girls that are ages 3 and 20 months . I had them back to back and I’m also in the best shape of my life . I was an athlete growing up and fitness has always been a priority in my life . It’s what keeps me sane on the days of terrible 2s and days I feel defeated as a mother . I also have the normal every day tasks as a mother but you can bet most days it will include going to the gym to stay healthy and fit not only for myself but my girls . My girls see a strong mother and someone they can look up to . Then learn to respect their bodies and also what they can do with them . #fitmomsrock

  7. Liz June 22, 2017 at 10:27 am #

    So you’re setting the example for your kids that shaming #fitmoms is OK? To me, that negates every positive you wrote about. There are truths in what you wrote about motherhood being a workout in itself. That doesn’t mean i shouldn’t also strive to be the healthiest version of my in whatever stage of life or motherhood I’m in. It looks different in every stage, sometimes changing week to week in what I can manage to get done. But shaming #fitmoms is not ok.

    • Amy June 24, 2017 at 9:21 am #

      Yep!

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 25, 2017 at 2:16 pm #

      I couldn’t agree with you more, Liz! Shaming fit moms is never okay. I work out every day to help keep my brain and body healthy. I think there is so much pressure placed on ALL mothers in that post partum phase of life…all of us. I think #fitmoms should continue to celebrate all of the hard work their bodies do at the gym but I also think those bodies deserve a big “hell ya” for the other stuff too. You had a BABY, created a life, made 9 grilled cheese sandwiches for a room of hungry kids while wearing an infant, woke up 6 times last night and lived to tell about it. That stuff is amazing too and hard! I wish as a community we all took a moment to recognize that our bodies are kind of incredible just for being able to do this motherhood thing too❤️

  8. Aimee L June 22, 2017 at 10:55 am #

    #fitmom is an enigma to me on many levels. 1) who is taking care of #fitmom’s kids while she puts in all those hours at the gym — #fitdad? #fitNanny? and 2) where does she get the energy to put in a workout multiple times a week? Granted, I lost my pregnancy weight within a few months and have kept it off… but that’s because I don’t have time to eat!, and not because I’m “eating smart” or on a diet. Ain’t no one got time for that.

    • Nichole June 26, 2017 at 9:10 am #

      Who’s watching your kids while you are reading this article and posting?? #fitfad? #fitnanny?? Get over it…… all you’re doing is judging and judging comes from insecurities. Keep it real sister!

  9. Taby June 22, 2017 at 12:48 pm #

    I think women are capable of being #goodmoms and #fitmoms at the same time. both are worthy of praise. I believe all mothers should have a hobby and spend time making them selves happy, whether it be through fitness, crafting, or joining a book club. A happy, fufilled mother is better equipped to care for/raise little humans into psychologically sound adults whom contribute positively to society. There is no need to be offended by the accomplishments and life choices of other mothers. We are all unique. We require different things in life to thrive. So, let us, awesome mom’s, stop being offended by what other moms accomplish or what hobbies they enjoy hash tagging. Let’s find security in ourselves. Be proud of what makes you, you and what fulfills your life. It is ok to not find the fit life fulfilling or to not have time to live it, while not shaming the mothers who do. I was personally inspired by the moms that I saw on social media who found time to get fit or stay fit. I gained almost 80lbs during my pregnancy. I was down in the dumps and thought I’d never lose the weight. I had all but given up when these #fitnoms inspired me to actually try the #fitmom life, and let me tell you… it is a true accomplishment worth commendment. I am so inspired by those who have the dedication and will power to really live it. It sets a great example for their children. I grew up the daughter of a #fitdad and an athlete mom. I saw dedication, self control, and witnessed goals set and accomplished. I learned many great lessons that I hope to pass on the my LO. I think growing up around fit parents made it easier for me to find time to focus on keeping myself healthy through exerce and eating pretty healthy as an adult. Don’t get me wrong, I eat lots of cake and I’m NOT ripped. I have cellulite bumps and lumps here and there… especially on my Derier. Lol and that’s OK! Not all of us have what it takes to be ripped and competition ready. It takes a special kind of self control and dedication. Those ladies eat super strict diets and exercise rigorously. However, The fit mom life helped me lose 70lbs and pulled me out of the hole I had dug. So, let’s not tell Other moms what is more important in their lives. Let’s not criticize them for what they hashtag about. Let’s all celebrate one another! Celebrate our similarities and our differences! Do what makes you happy! Don’t compare your life to the lives of others! You are you and there is no one else out there quite like you! Love your self for your own abilities and talents! You are doing great! #endthemomshaming #weareallgreat it’s also ok to have differing opinions! We can agree to disagree on this issue. Bc, it’s also ok to feel down on yourself when you see other mothers accomplishing things that seem impossible. It’s hard to stop how we feel. Your feelings are valid and I acknowledge them. That’s why I’m here to have your back and encourage you to not compare your momming to another’s. We are all different, live in different situations, and have different opportunities and abilities. We can not be compared to one another. #momsunite

    • Shannon Lee MIller
      Shannon Lee MIller June 23, 2017 at 6:01 am #

      Hey Taby! Amen!! Thank you for participating in this conversation with so much heart and for sharing your awesome story.

      This essay was not meant to be an indictment of fitness. I’m a clean eating, trail jogging son of a gun myself;) I just think that women neglect to celebrate their bodies for the important work they do outside the gym and I think this incredible work deserves credit too. I would love to see a more inclusive message of maternal wellness out there for women to rally around, I feel like that big picture can get lost sometimes.
      xo

  10. Bob June 22, 2017 at 1:28 pm #

    Why not just take control of the hashtag for what it should be. #fitmom doesn’t need to be #skinnymom or #rippedmom or #absmom. It’s any woman who gets to the gym/goes outside and runs/does pushups on her bedroom floor/whatever it takes to give that hour to herself to be a role model for her children and to keep herself healthy for her family. So any woman who makes the time for herself, regardless of size, shape, etc should use the hashtag to show that #fitmom comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes and levels of fitness. But she is trying to be the #bestmom she can be and she should be damn proud of that.

    • Shannon Lee MIller
      Shannon Lee MIller June 23, 2017 at 6:10 am #

      YES! I love this, Bob!

  11. Cici June 22, 2017 at 2:00 pm #

    This was an interesting post when focusing on the “no excuses” hashtag and the shaming that comes with that. I feel like that’s an interesting conversation. Great breastfeeding comparison.

    I’m curious why you chose to end by fit shaming #fitmom by questioning her parenting skills:
    “Celebrate being a #goodmom instead of a #fitmom. Sure, strong arms are nice. But they don’t make you more loving.”

    Why do we fight shame and judgment with more shame and judgment? That last paragraph feels incongruous to the remainder of the post. I’m curious why you went that direction.

    • Shannon Lee MIller
      Shannon Lee MIller June 23, 2017 at 6:09 am #

      Hi Cici! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. This have been a contentious one:)

      I surely didn’t mean that strong arms make you less loving!! Just that your arms are loving and beautiful whether you’re lifting barbells or only babies.

      xo

  12. Kate June 22, 2017 at 9:46 pm #

    The unfollow button is a powerful tool. I would suggest you use that next time, instead. This post literally made my heart hurt.

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 2:34 pm #

      Kate! I’m so sorry you felt that way. Thank you so much for responding. The purpose of the essay is not to indict #fitmoms. Truth be told, I work out almost every damn day. I just think its important that we celebrate our bodies for the important work motherhood asks of them with the same enthusiasm we do in the gym. Also, maybe discuss as a community a way to bring overall maternal wellness into the picture.

      But mama, I am absolutely gutted and so sorry to have hurt you. The language and tone got the best of me and the message was lost on some as a result. Please accept my apology xo

    • Amy June 24, 2017 at 9:22 am #

      This post broke my heart too. :*(

      • Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 12:33 pm #

        Dear Amy! I’m so sorry to have caused you any hurt. I am a big lover of fitness and of mommas. This post was not an indictment, rather, a call for mothers to celebrate their bodies for the work they do outside
        the gym as well xo Ain’t nothing wrong with taking time for yourself and staying healthy!

  13. Shannon
    Shannon June 22, 2017 at 10:18 pm #

    Hey y’all I appreciate you reading, commenting, and bringing your hearts and minds to this conversation. I’ll keep it brief.

    The point of this essay is to promote a broader idea of maternal wellbeing opposed to just fitness. Our bodies do incredible things inside the gym that we recognize but are we giving the things we do outside the gym the credit they deserve?

    I think a fitness is so important, I workout daily and eat clean. I have no argument against the virtues of fitness but I’m wondering if that as mothers in a post partum space, we can find a more
    Inclusive way to celebrate our bodies.

    I know some the language was strong. Probably too strong and for that I absolutely and wholeheartedly apologize

    • Krystal June 24, 2017 at 3:54 am #

      I feel like being a #fitmom does celebrate my body❤️. Did you have rectindiastisi post baby ? Most moms do! I had FOUR to five fingers deep of separation in my abdominal (recti diastisis ) becoming fit has helped heal what was torn a part and while doing so my kids sit in a double stroller while me and over 30 moms do planks, or jumping jacks. Sometimes burlees or push ups. I celebrate my body that carried three babies by keeping it strong so that when the next baby comes to grow her or his home is built with strengths and also so that the littles watching me know what health and fitness looks like💁🏽. I’m surprised you are a #FitMom honestly by the post I just read BUT I can say yay I’m glad you are! So maybe your real frustration is the posting about it ? Maybe it’s the #Fitmoms hashtags and social media sharing about her body? I say awesome job to that mama(me) because I do that personally. I have lost 25 lbs this year being a #fitmom and sharing my journey because I’m proud of my accomplishment . Especially doing it while I have littles at home. Because as YOU know it’s hard to get 5min to yourself. To get 60 min to push my body physically and mentally to become healthier THAT is me celebrating my body that carried life. Unfortunately you did offend a lot of moms out there. I actually saw this on a private mom page. But I hope if anything you can see how many #fitmoms DO celebrate themselves through motherhood and it’s not always with barbells and #fitmom. Most of the time it’s with #cookingforthefam
      #runningerrandsforthefam#workingforthefam#doingprojectswiththelittles#fieldtripswiththelittles#mommingitout#babywearing#breastfeeding#firsttimemom#secondtimemon#momof3#momof4#momtoallourlittles #everymom

      • Shannon Lee Miller
        Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 9:49 am #

        I love this, Katie! And to make it abundantly clear I LOVE #fitmom! I did have diastase recti after my twins and it is a long, tough road. Still doing my best to regain my core over here;)

        I just feel like there are aspects of post partum wellness that are neglected on social media. I want to make sure none of us forget to shine a light on that stuff.
        xo

        • Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 12:07 pm #

          I totally called you Katie. I’m so sorry, mama! Lots to keep up with here😜

  14. Patti June 23, 2017 at 5:23 am #

    What did you mean with “find more inclusive ways to celebrate our bodies”? Why do you sound so bitter against #fitmom?

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 2:20 pm #

      I’m talking about something that speaks to all facets of maternal wellness. I’m not sure exactly what that would look like in a hashtag but I love that we’re talking about it xo

    • Shannon Lee Miller
      Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 3:21 pm #

      Hi Patti! I just meant that we should try and find a tag that encompasses overall pre and postnatal health instead of exclusively fitness

      Also- I am a big fitness lover! No bitterness here!

      • Shannon Lee Miller
        Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 3:22 pm #

        Sorry for commenting twice! My phone is being tricky 🙁

  15. Danielle June 23, 2017 at 9:22 am #

    Hi Shannon! When I first read your article my first response was “wow, she is really missing out on all the great things that fit mom has to offer.” It really sounded like you were a fit mom hater. I appreciate you clarifying what your actual purpose was. I think Ait got lost especially when the title of the article Is “fit mom we have a problem.” However, your article has now gotten some attention and maybe opened up an important dialogue about women’s wellness. You have the mic, you’re on stage, where do we go from here?

    P. S. Sorry for any typos, I’m breastfeeding and deadlifting at the moment.

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 2:47 pm #

      Best P.S. Ever ;p

      Here’s what I would love to see: #healthymama

      I feel like more people could engage in that community and it would give people a forum to discuss all avenues of self care and postpartum wellness. I’m not even talking about eliminating #fitmom but giving her a friend;)

    • Shannon Lee Miller
      Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 2:56 pm #

      Best “P.S.” EVER

      What about #healthymama? Even as an addition on #fitmom posts, I think it would be a great way to paint with broader strokes.

      What do you think?

      • Danielle June 23, 2017 at 8:27 pm #

        On it! Thank you! Have a great weekend.

        Following you on FB for more 🙂

    • Shannon Lee Miller
      Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 3:23 pm #

      Sorry for commenting twice. My phone is having a bit of a day😬

  16. Mariana June 23, 2017 at 10:02 am #

    I understand what you tried to convey here, however your message was lost in the last paragraph. I’m a fit mom and take my son with me to work out twice a week. We thrive on spending our time together doing it and it also gives me sanity. He likes to be outside and exercise as well, a way to teach them good examples of taking care of ourselves! I felt it was a way of shaming mothers who want to be fit and healthy.

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 2:43 pm #

      Mariana- Thank you so much for commenting. I can;t tell you how much I appreciate your thoughts. Also, I think you need major kudos for combining family and fitness, I try my best to do the same.
      The last paragraph is a contentious one for sure- Here’s what I was trying to get across: Strong arms do not make a person MORE or LESS loving, all mommas arms regardless of what they look like or how much they lift, give equal amounts of love.
      It wasn’t meant to shame anyone, I promise!

  17. Britta June 23, 2017 at 10:10 am #

    I think this author needs to do more introspection before shaming moms. And maybe more research about the benefits of a healthy an strong body an self care an that men or other partners need to be stepping up to the plate so that moms aren’t always dirty and Ragged and running around feeling ashamed. I’m not a mom but I heard my friends deep frustration with this article. I also see my friends who are moms and they would given anything to have some control back over their bodies. I work at a DV and sv organization and honestly I think what you should be focusing on is not hangin other women but wtf are men doing so partners aren’t ragged and only sleeping three hrs? Also, I hope to model my #fitmom friends when I become a mom an teach my kids about self care and the connection between body and mind and heart. They are one entity. Not separate.

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 2:23 pm #

      SO much yes to men stepping up for their partners, Britta! Thank you so much for your insights! I definitely was not trying to shame anyone but I understand how some of the language too strong and should have been approached with more sensitivity. This article was not meant to be an indictment of #fitmom, I work out every single day, just a reminder that we should be celebrating our bodies for the things we do outside the gym as well and with equal amounts of enthusiasm. xo

  18. Sherri Smith June 23, 2017 at 10:11 am #

    I get what you are trying to say but your tone shames the moms who like to hit the gym. Instead of saying, “let’s celebrate every mom” your tone says, “fit moms are judgy and must not love their kids as much.” I get that you didn intend that, but that’s how it comes off. For many moms the endorphins they get from working out helps them be better moms! I know it helps keep me out of depression.

    “No excuses” doesn’t mean that other women are making excuses not to go to the gym and these fit moms are somehow better. It means the person posting it isn’t accepting the excuses they hear in their own head. Most of the moms I know are fighting the battle within their own brain – fighting what tells them they are a failure and not enough.

    There will always be women who bounce back from having a baby faster than others. There will always be some people out there who intend to show off or shame others with what they’ve accomplished. But I don’t see that in the women I follow.
    Try viewing #FitMom posts through a different lens. Maybe she’s just trying to encourage other moms? And if there is a woman you are following that intentionally shames others – click unfollow. There are many, many women out there who encourage body acceptance AND active lifestyles. Try following Autumn at @AWholeStory for a bit.
    And maybe start flooding the #Fitmom hashtag with body positive and active lifestyle posts yourself. 😉

  19. Shannon Lee Miller June 23, 2017 at 2:39 pm #

    Sherri THANK YOU for this thoughtful comment. For the record, I am a mom WHO loves the gym, this was not an argument against the virtues of fitness. That being said, I recognize that my language is strong, probably too strong, and I am so sorry about that. Girl, if I hurt you know that it was in no way my intention. I will be following Autumn. Thank you so much for the tip xo

  20. Danielle June 23, 2017 at 7:21 pm #

    I don’t work out at all and didn’t see any harm in this article. I wonder if there’s a correlation? Hugs for everyone!

  21. RS June 23, 2017 at 7:47 pm #

    First- I am not responding to attack you. Promise. I know what you are saying and trust me, I’ve heard a bunch about this in the last several months. I am not a new mom. Infact my baby is 20 and my first baby is 23. I AM however relatively young-41. Motherhood has been a very tough road for me and something that has brought tremendous guilt – mainly from the expectations of society and dealing with difficult situations. I am in the midst of THE hardest year of my life and the one thing that has been my sanity is being a #fitmom and a #strongmom (although I’m not into hashtags just kept the theme up lol). I understand that it may not be THE most healthy way of coping, but when I feel like an utter failure in the most important job of my life (parenting) I take pride in the fact that I am physically stronger then ever. Shallow? Yea. But it’s better then being sloppy drunk or eating my emotions which are plenty. So all this to say- you have no idea what #fitmom is dealing with and maybe this is her way of coping?

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 12:02 pm #

      Thank you so much for that awesome response! I bet you’re an incredible mama! Fit moms should absolutely continue to be fit moms, I work out often and eat clean but I think in that sensitive post partum space, it is important to celebrate our bodies for the work our bodies do outside of the gym as well. Let’s talk more about the challenges we face as moms and all of he healthy things we can overcome them❤️ best to you, mama! Thank you for sharing

  22. Dominique June 23, 2017 at 8:37 pm #

    Fitness and wellness are very connected. But why can’t I decide what I’m proud of or what I want to share? Why can’t I strive to look good AND be healthy and a good mom? Those aren’t mutually exclusive. This sounds more like #insecurity

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 10:48 am #

      You should share it, mama! I would love to see mamas sharing more of it their journeys in but also out of the gym. You should be proud of all of that awesomeness!xo

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 12:05 pm #

      You can! And you absolutely should! I just hope that moms are to celebrate their bodies for all of the awesome things they do. I think we can all use a reminder of that sometimes. No harm intended nor insecurity here! I promise;)

  23. Tammy June 23, 2017 at 8:59 pm #

    “WE” don’t have a problem. You do. Shame on you for ironically shaming another woman. We’re all moms.

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 10:54 am #

      Hi Tammy! I wanted to reach out and be sure you knew this was not my intention. I work out daily and think being fit is an important part of a healthy lifestyle . I think the post partum space is a sensitive one, especially with regard to our bodies. I love our fit, strong bodies but I would love a hashtag that celebrates all of the wonderful things that all kinds of postpartum bodies do in addition.
      I’m so truly sorry you felt badly, mama! Not the goal here at all, I promise

  24. Jackie June 23, 2017 at 11:00 pm #

    Everyone has their niche and for #fitmom that’s hers, I’m sure she’s more then her hashtags and I think that’s ok if that’s what she wants to do with her life 😉

  25. Jackie June 23, 2017 at 11:11 pm #

    And as far as #healthymama, maybe that’s something you can start? (I’d follow you 🙂 )

    I wouldn’t call myself a #fitmom right now, I wish I was haha although it is my desire, so I’m seeing this from kind of a neutral place, so I promise no snarkiness at all in this post or my last 😉

    I just believe everyone is unique and bring different “gifts” etc to the world/people around them, it may seem they are one track but that’s because it’s their passion (whatever it may be) and if you see it that way it’s actually very motivating

    • Shannon Lee Miller
      Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 9:51 am #

      I love this! And I totally agree Jackie! My insta is @shantasticvoyage! Let’s do this thang 😘

  26. Jessica June 24, 2017 at 3:33 am #

    Saying this article isn’t a type of mom shaming is like saying someone can’t be offended by something you said because you said, “no offense” afterwards.

    Its the internet people. If you don’t like the way someone is doing something or it maybe makes you question what you’re doing in some way, unfollow that person.

    Rock on #fitmoms. Rock on #notsofitmoms.

    • Shannon Lee Miller
      Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 10:14 am #

      I hear you, mama! And I thank you for taking part in this conversation. Of course, everybody is entitled to react in a way that is true to their heart but it’s important to me that people know that the intent of the post was not to cause hurt, shame, or belittle. I would never write anything to disrespect
      anyone especially my fellow mom.
      It’s a position piece, an essay, an opinion, not an indictment in any way. I am a big believer in fitness and celebrating all of the things are bodies do;) xo

  27. Krystal June 24, 2017 at 3:35 am #

    I love being a #fitmom and what it shows my littles! I’m a also a mom who breastfed, and embraced that time in my life. I also was a mom who lossed her first baby and gained 50 pounds with her second because I was SO scared to do anything physical. Because there’s this stigma of feeling like it’s our fault when you carry a baby and lose it.( No I wasn’t always in the gym during this time of my life). After having baby number one I was THAT mom who gained more weight when I started nursing and kept it on non matter what I did. Let’s me honest being overweight isn’t healthy. But I focused on the joy of being a mom and cried behind closed doors. No I WASNT body shaming myself I mean how could I? I had a healthy baby girl who I was nursing on demand full time. I was overwhelmed with love ❤️ and thankful to my God Eho gave me this BEAUTIFUL, healthy baby girl! when she turned ONE I met some #fitmoms. I felt the SAME way you felt. Not to a T but annoyed a bit by them. But do you know what I realized? It was because MY insecurities. Those insecurities that I had when I went home and cried and felt frustrated with the lack of health. I’m now 5 years into motherhood (including the time I was 🤰 pregnant. Second child I worked out 5 days a week! Do you know what my hashtag was ? #5for5! Because they offered 5 days a week of classes and I was at each one. That’s probably silly to you BUT it meant something to me. I’ve become healthier mentally, physically and no longer do I cry at night over my body. No longer does my little see me FRUSTRATED over my body yet she sees a mom who is confident in her outward appearance. Do I teach my daughters they needs to be skinny? NO ! But they say things like,” I’m strong like mommy”. And then they do something physical. The great thing about being a #FitMom Is that this is ONE PART of me and my child raising. I cook home meals, I meal prep for my littles so I have food on me when we are on the go to all the fun places we go to AFTER WORK OUT. We homeschool and interactive with friends and other littles AFTER WORK OUT. I am CONSTANTLY going for my husband, and littles but do you know what helps me get it all done? Starting my day off as a #FitMom with our village! This is not a post to Mom shame you. I truly don’t think you sat down and meant to shame anyone but your own personal feelings were splashed all over this page. You became #onemom vs #everymom. To the #breastfeedingMom way to go! To the #BusinessMom you are doing a beautiful job! To the #stayathomemom you are rocking out motherhood! To the #Bloggingmom your doing awesome writing, and sharing your words. To the #FitMom way to get it done with your littles! To #everymom I am NOT you and YOU are not me BUT I praise you today for getting up and doing your best and loveing your family! You ROCK mom!

    • Shannon Lee Miller June 24, 2017 at 10:42 am #

      Krystal, this is a beautiful response! Thank you!
      I am a big champion of fitness in my own life. I advocate and encourage a healthy lifestyle.
      But I see a pervasive culture where mothers postpartum bodies are being celebrated for bouncing back more so than for some of
      other work they do. Let’s do both
      I’m not saying #fitmoms shouldn’t be #fitmoms, I’m saying we should all take a minute to say hey, let’s give props to the other stuff too ❤️

  28. Ashley June 24, 2017 at 9:21 pm #

    As a first time mom of a 5 month old, I can say this hit home for me. As a mom with postpartum depression, an unrecognizable c-section body, but a BEAUTIFUL AND HEALTHY baby girl–this was a great reminder. Wellness should be my goal before “fitness.” And my definition of fitness may not be the same as everyone else’s. Thank you for writing this. I know not many people are telling you this, but your words were a blessing to me today.

  29. jennifer June 26, 2017 at 8:10 am #

    Just Do you and be proud of all you accomplish in your day.

  30. Jessica June 26, 2017 at 11:08 am #

    I’m surprised at all the negative comments. As a new mom and a ‘fitmom’ I find this article on point. Society pushes women to be obsessed about or damn bodies and meanwhile our husbands are eating whatever they want and barely exercising. I think doing whatever you’re doing for you is important – kids or not. But the #noexcuses hashtag has me so livid. Maybe I want to just sit and decompress with wine and chocolate and a bath or a good movie- not give up the precious sleep I need to be healthy and sane to run 5 miles every morning. It’s not an excuse it’s what I need to be a good mom. Just the whole focus on our bodies is disturbing. You just created life! Celebrate that big old cushy belly that comforts your babies when they need you. Nothing wrong with that and back in the day that was expected. Anyway, all for being fit and if you can still be buff and be a good mom that’s awesome- but stop with the no excuses bull. It’s ok that women don’t have six packs.