When I ask you to think about ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), I can practically guarantee that you are envisioning a little boy running around like crazy and bouncing off the walls and furniture. I know you are not picturing me—a 31 year old, single mother of two who, to most of the people around her, seems to be holding it together at least as well as the next gal. Maybe you’d be surprised to hear that I am one of the faces of a growing segment of the ADHD population—women who aren’t diagnosed until adulthood.
I was a pretty hyper and impulsive little girl who was “diagnosed” with high spirits. I was in the gifted program, and I made good grades, so I couldn’t have ADHD! (I grew up in a household with pretty well-imposed structure that meant I stayed on track enough to perform well.) My issues first became a true problem in college, where I had to create my own structure rather than just following my parents’ rules. I didn’t understand how my friends could simply go to the library and study nor why I couldn’t just FORCE myself do it! I engaged in risk-taking behaviors and basically lived like a car with no brakes. Despite entering college on a full academic scholarship, I flunked out in my sophomore year.
Fast-forward to motherhood. I had two children in two years, and before I knew it, I was a single parent. Two little humans were fully dependent on me to keep them alive and thriving. To those on the outside, I seemed to be doing it all. What no one (outside of very few close friends and family members) knew was that I was barely keeping it together. My outward appearance was a façade, and it was exhausting. I couldn’t have anyone over because my house was a disaster. I was constantly late to everything, and I even missed appointments and/or showed up on the wrong days. Past-due notices in my mailbox were not uncommon despite having the money to pay the bills. I was either running around like crazy or sitting back idly with no idea which direction to turn next. How do you create the structure that children need when you can’t even create a reasonable amount of it for yourself?
The emotional and mental toll of it all was immense. Society has a certain expectation of women—moms in particular. We are the organizers, the tidy ones, and the household managers. When you don’t fit this mold whatsoever, it can make you question yourself and your worth. I was overwhelmingly anxious and beginning to see signs of depression. At my rock bottom, I lost my keys at Vanderbilt hospital (something I did at least twice a day at home) after spending the afternoon/evening in the ER with my daughter. I had to have someone come pick my daughter and me up at midnight and then had to have my car towed from the garage and re-keyed. The key I lost was my only one. I had been meaning to have a copy made for FIVE YEARS. Not long afterwards, I backed into someone’s car with my children in the backseat because my mind was buzzing so much I couldn’t focus on driving. It was at this point that I knew something was truly wrong, and I needed help.
I got my diagnosis 6 weeks ago, and my life has already changed quite a bit. I’m receiving counseling, pursuing organizational strategies designed for people like me, trying out a new medication, taking baby steps, and giving myself a lot of grace. Just realizing that my brain is wired differently and not looking at my struggles as character flaws has already made a world of difference.
Think you may have ADHD? Here are some resources:
Self Test
This article was a major reference for this post
This site has been a source of so much help to me
*Please remember—no online resource can replace being seen by a medical professional.
Thank you! I recently finished a very long journey of emotional ups and downs which has finally led to a diagnosis of ADHD. I struggled throughout my childhood but because I was able to maintain a high GPA and showed success in school, no one ever acknowledged my problems. I experienced similar difficulties in college and was ultimately academically disqualified from three separate universities in as many years. I was diagnosed with depression but struggled to find a medication that helped. After having my daughter and struggling to breastfeed because of the focus, amount of time and stillness it required I knew I needed to address the root of my problems. As a young, single I knew I needed to finish my degree to support her and knew I couldn’t do it with the same methodology I once did. I found medical assistance and am now thriving in school, work and as a mother. I only wish I could have received this help earlier in life.
Your story sounds so similar to mine, Emily! So wonderful to hear you’re thriving. I, too, wish I’d received help earlier in life, but I’m determined to be better every day from here on out. Thanks for reading and sharing your story!
One of my nephews struggled with ADHD as a child and was put on several different medications. Some of them worked some of the time but had extremely unsettling side affects such as facial twitches and grunting. He was forced to go off of his meds for a surgical procedure and when he went back on the meds he had hallucinations. It was awful. But he needed something. My mom read an article about a study of L-Theanine which comes from Tea. It talked about how countries that had higher tea consumption have a lower incidence of ADD/ADHD and how studies are showing that it actually helps slow down the firing of synapses on the neural pathway… (I may be phrasing that wrong, but that’s kind of the gist of it). He (15) and my daughter (who is 14 now – her teacher in 3rd grade thought she may have a learning disorder) both take it daily and do really, really well with it. My daughter takes 100 mg. I get it at either Vitamin Shoppe, GNC or Whole Foods. You can get it in chewables or capsules which aren’t very large. It’s more expensive than vitamins but not too bad and definitely worth every penny. When my daughter forgets hers she feels a difference for sure. I am also firmly convinced that our hormones can cause ADD/ADHD like symptoms and as I approach menopause I’m thinking about starting to take the L-Theanine myself. I don’t usually post comments but thought this could really be helpful to someone. Blessings, y’all!
Thanks for the tip! I’ll definitely be checking into that.
[…] see, I have ADHD, and as a result I’ve always been a little “too much” in one way or another—too […]