5 Ways My Darling Daughter Channels Chuck Norris

Internet, meet McLaine.

Cute, isn’t she? It would be quite the mistake to underestimate that innocent looking face, though, because this little girl is Hell on Wheels (quite literally, as she sometimes rocks a sweet set of wheels to get around). We lovingly refer to McLaine as our “honey badger.” If you’ve seen the honey badger video, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If not, know that the honey badger has been referred to by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in all the animal kingdom. The honey badger will go to whatever lengths it takes to get what it wants despite any danger or obstacles. The honey badger just doesn’t care. AT ALL.

McLaine recently celebrated her 6th birthday, and I was not surprised when my boyfriend discovered that she shares a birthday with Chuck Norris. To think, all this time my angel-faced child has simply been channeling her celebrity doppelgänger.

Twinsies!

Here are the top 5 ways my darling daughter channels Chuck Norris:

1)  Get between McLaine and something she has her sights set on, and, from the seat of her wheelchair, she will deliver a swift roundhouse kick to your face faster than you can say, “Walker, Texas Ranger.” She’s non-verbal, and can’t simply ask you to move. We’re working on more appropriate responses, but I have to admit I find it really hilarious sometimes.

2) McLaine LOVES playing games and watching movies on her iPad. It’s the one thing in her life that she’s able to operate and control completely independently. Try to take it away from her, and she will instantly lock down with a white knuckle death grip that would leave even Chuck Norris both bewildered and in awe. Hypotonia, shmypotonia. Low muscle tone apparently becomes inconsequential when you try to separate my pint-sized diva from the kiddie crack known as “Yo Gabba Gabba.”

3) Like Chuck, McLaine doesn’t need to use words to instill fear in you. If you make her angry, be prepared to be subjected to a terrifying combination of sounds, gestures, and facial expressions that fully convey her outrage. If you’ve displeased the queen, there will be no doubt in your mind, and you will most likely have nightmares about the encounter for weeks to come.

4) Miley Cyrus may come in like a wrecking ball, but my precious peanut plows through like a bulldozer. Mr. Norris, himself, couldn’t cause the utter destruction that McLaine can leave in her wake in about 2.5 seconds. Being that she’s developmentally delayed, she is just now going through her “terrible twos” stage. Nothing is safe from being chewed up, ripped to shreds, knocked down, emptied out, pulverized to smithereens, or scattered to the four corners of the Earth.

Well, I guess she found the iPad…

5) You can run, but you can’t hide from McLaine—nor can you stow away any object for which she’s pining. I don’t want to get kicked in the face for saying this, but I firmly believe she’s more tenacious than old Ground Chuck. Whatever my baby bloodhound is seeking, she will not give up until she finds it. This combined with that whole bulldozer thing means that after she has found what she’s looking for, the status of my house is total annihilation.

It’s been said that some people wear Superman pajamas, but Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Well, I have it on good authority that Chuck Norris wears McLaine pajamas.

How does your little darling channel their celebrity birthday doppelgänger? Click here to find your child’s, and then tell me about it in the comments!