Etiquette for Your Teen

My teenage cousin received a book published by The Emily Post Institution called Emily Post’s Etiquette: Manners for a New World (18th ed.). The title alone was enough for me to want to get this into the hands of all preteens. I really wish I had known before now about this book and that I had given it to my own daughter—who is almost seventeen. In fact, this got me thinking about the progressive technology age in which  we live, and I wondered if proper etiquette has changed much from what I was taught growing up. More than that, I wondered what exactly we should expect from our young adults today . . .

I’m a little embarrassed to admit I had never heard of the late Emily Post before seeing the book. I do feel fortunate that I grew up with a grandmother who was well aware of proper etiquette—and who began teaching me from a very young age what that looked like. Etiquette isn’t just old-fashioned ideas about suits at a table or fancy tea times. It’s practical advice for conversation, table manners, parties, being a good neighbor, and much, much more. I’m so tired of teenagers getting passes for rude behavior, disrespect, and irresponsibility (just to name a few bad behaviors) simply because they are teenagers.

There are many different topics in regard to etiquette, but here are a few I think are the most important to be teaching our preteens and teenagers:

1. Look someone in the eyes when they are speaking. And I don’t mean only when they are speaking to you. I have spoken in front of groups, and I know what it’s like to look out and have audience members looking away from you—whether at the phone, computer, or your neighbor. It’s rude.
2. Dress appropriately. I was taught that sometimes you need to give a little more effort—just because it’s the right thing to do. My friend said that much of what our grandmothers and mothers learned is falling on deaf ears today. You only have to take a stroll down at the local mall to see that some teens obviously weren’t taught about modesty. (I do realize we all draw different lines in the sand with this topic.)
3. Table manners.  Stay off your phone! It is polite to make small talk around the table asking about others. Ask who, what, when, where, and why questions, as to make conversation. Obviously, you will want to focus more on this when entertaining guests. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you the last time we all sat together as a family around the dinner table. It’s the busy season we are in.
4. Send thank you notes. This is becoming a lost art. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love a thoughtful note received via snail mail. It’s a simple and impactful acknowledgment of another’s efforts—especially for baby and wedding showers. Just do this. Please.

Etiquette covers a variety of lessons, but these are a few important ones that should be taught early. I asked my seventeen year old what she thought etiquette was. She replied, “Politeness.” Not a bad answer overall, but I think Peggy Post of the Emily Post Institution says it best: “The best advice of all is that etiquette is to make people feel comfortable; and, once people grasp that, they relax.” Let’s teach our young ones that etiquette isn’t about performing or pretending to be someone we aren’t. It’s not about kissing up, either. (I used to hear that one all the time.) Etiquette is about making others feel more comfortable and welcomed. Maybe once they understand this, our own kids can relax a bit, too—and realize it’s not about them. It’s about others! I think that’s a lesson we can all get behind.