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Extreme Nesting: A Dispatch from the Edge of Sanity

Extreme Nesting NashvilleMomsBlog

It’s 10 pm. Do you know where your 35-weeks pregnant wife is?

A. Nestled all snug in her bed, visions of her newborn baby dancing in her head.
B. Polishing off a pint of cookie dough ice cream.
C. Standing on the toilet seat, trusty Magic Eraser sponge in hand, stretching precariously
to scrub unsightly scuff marks off the back of the door.

If you guessed C, you would be correct, and you would know that this woman has taken a temporary leave of her senses. Instead of choosing the infinitely more advisable/appealing choices of A or B, she has—for reasons understandable only by those who share her hormonal, maniacally nesting state of mind—chosen C with unprecedented gusto.

How many times has she used this bathroom, staring at the back of the door, not paying attention to the scuff marks that now relentlessly taunt her? How many years has she walked past them, turning a blind eye? Well, friends, there are no blind spots now. Not as we get down to the wire preparing for the arrival of baby.

Every speck of dust is in the cross-hairs. The top of every door frame—though unseen by the naked eye—surely contains a shocking layer of dust that must be conquered. RIGHT NOW, if at all possible.
This woman’s former, un-gestating self would have laughed at this new obsession, told this person to relax and have a drink, no need for such nonsense at this hour. Instead, this woman continues to scrub every visible surface of the bathroom until her Magic Eraser disintegrates in her bare hands. She nearly makes a late-night Kroger run to get more cleaning supplies, but a moment of sanity prevails. Defeated, she slinks off to bed, disappointed that she did not finish deep cleaning the bathroom by the stroke of midnight.

She climbs into bed, mind racing, taking inventory—yet again—of every surface that needs cleaning and every room that needs a last minute scouring. What if the baby comes 4 weeks early and the windowsills in her room are not properly wiped down? Whatever will we do? We’ll put her in the cradle next to us, the non-OCD husband says. We’ll finish it later.

Later? There is no later! This is a single-minded, pregnant woman on a mission to eliminate every speck of dust from a house where a landscaper, two young children, and a dog live alongside her. So, that’s reasonable, right? RIGHT?!

She still has half the rooms in the house to go. After the baby’s born she’ll have time to sleep, eh? No, you say?! Of course not. Well, at least she will be able to find a few moments to sit in her temporarily clean house and enjoy that pint of ice cream, and have a drink. Or three.

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2 Responses to Extreme Nesting: A Dispatch from the Edge of Sanity

  1. Nikki Sughrue April 24, 2015 at 9:42 am #

    My joke when I reached that point was I wished I had registered for Resolve stain remover and Mr. Clean erasers or at least bought stock in the companies!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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