Here I am, with my feet up, phone in hand, sipping on a glass of chardonnay. I can hear the sound of waves crashing in the distance. With my eyes closed it almost feels like I’m 22 again. Sitting on a beach without a care in the world.
Then reality hits. My feet are on a pile of folded towels, my phone is almost dead, my wine is iced down, and the waves Im hearing are coming from my 1 year olds noise machine.
I’m 28 years old with two young kids. This wasn’t where I pictured myself while daydreaming about my adult life. I wanted to travel, build a solid career, then eventually start a family. Traveling and working had always been the dream and the priority. I was under the impression that I couldn’t live a fulfilled life unless both of those things came first. BUT the Universe/God, whatever you believe in, had a different plan and now I have these two little beings that need me and my husband (but mostly me) to survive.
Living in the age of social media, it’s pretty easy to feel left out. I love that I get to see so many of my friends going out on weekends, grabbing brunch together, or going on fun vacations. But I won’t lie though FOMO is real. I want to have the carefree nights, I miss waking up after a night out and having half drunk conversations about the craziness that went on, and planning spontaneous trips just because we’re bored. I would LOVE to remember what it feels like to wake up without someone needing my immediate attention. I miss that life sometimes more than I would like to admit.
And even though some days I could cry looking at the latest escapades of the people I used to spend all my time with, my life has never felt more full.
Full of worries, full of amazement, full of giggles, full of crying (from both them and me), full of sleepless nights, and infinite happy dances. My babies give me all the things I was hoping to find through traveling and a career. They’ve shown me accomplishment, awe, experience, defeat and absolute bliss. It’s wild.
I thought having kids would be the end of an era. The last notch on the belt of my younger self. Turns out it’s the beginning of a wonderful, crazy, amazing life I could have never imagined. Any feeling of FOMO completely vanishes the moment either of my kids falls asleep on my chest, they hug me for no particular reason or really if they do anything at all. And nothing fills my heart more than seeing my friends with my kids. They love them like family and having that extra support is everything. Majority of the time I have the best of both worlds. ( Link to the Hannah Montana song here)
My heart wants to explode just thinking about all the joy my kids have brought into my life.
Feeling sad about missing my old life doesn’t make me a bad mom. It makes me human. Everyone knows I love my babies. I love that they need my full attention and I am so happy to give it to them. Even when my eyes are literally being pried open at 5:30am because someone wants a cereal bar. I couldn’t be happier to have this life.
Everyone has their own story and their own ambitions, not everyone will share the same happiness that being a mom brings me. That’s totally fine. As you can see I never imagined this life, but I’m so thankful it was life I was given.