Love it or hate it, Facebook has become a HUGE part of everyday life for most of us. We connect with old friends, check out recipes, get craft inspiration, read spoilers about our favorite shows, and engage with fellow parents through groups. Ah yes, the Facebook mom group. A literal cornucopia of all-things great and terrible about being a mom — the spit-up, the gross diapers (yes, people do post photos of their children’s diapers), the medical questions, the DRAMA. (SO. MUCH. DRAMA.)
Sometimes, it’s nice to check in with other moms for tips and tricks. But, in the wrong group, there are no safe questions or suggestions. Today, let’s discover a few hints that it might be time to leave your Facebook mom group. Oh, and if you aren’t a Facebook user, don’t run off! These hints apply to your real-life mom group too.
You feel that you have to justify EVERYTHING you do.
You have to do actual work to ensure that you aren’t criticized. If you approach every subject with the mentality that your every words will be picked apart by a group of drama-hungry moms? RUN.
You are being labeled by others in your group.
While some moms will tell you that they don’t mind being called a “helicopter mom” or “hot mess mom” or “supermom”, being called something that is not your mom-given name stings. If you’re in a group that thinks it’s fun to impose their definition of your mothering upon you, it’s probably time to make your exit.
You feel worse after posting (or conversing) than you did before posting.
This one is a big one for me. As a mom who struggled with breastfeeding, I found myself crying more after asking for help in a moms’ group than before. If you are in a group that focuses on what you’re doing wrong and not on what you’re doing right? Say goodbye.
The admins/leaders are just a rude/mean as the other members.
If the leader of a group is rude or cold, especially when you reach out about your concerns about the treatment you or other members are receiving, this probably isn’t the best place for you.
You don’t feel heard, wanted, or comfortable.
This can be a hard one — especially online. A lot of mom groups are really big, so posts and questions can get overlooked. If you’re trying to engage with a group and you aren’t being heard, it’s best to move on.
While it may sound a little silly to write an entire post about Facebook groups, so many of us spend our time trying desperately to engage and interact with other moms that abuse or being disregarded can shatter our already frail emotional state.
I am writing this to tell you that it is okay if the people in a Facebook group (or MOPS groups or church group or any group) are not your kind of people. It is okay to choose to wait on your forever tribe. Friendships as moms are precious and necessary so, it’s best to wait and find the right ones instead of torturing yourself trying to fit into the wrong ones.