My son is getting bigger by the minute. And with each pair of outgrown pants, each successful assembly of a Lego figurine, and each correct understanding of a spelled out word (Seriously? We’re going to have to learn sign language or something!), I’m becoming acutely aware that he’s ready for kindergarten. But is he? We have reached the age of the great Kindergarten debate. From the moment we received our estimated due date (August 28), this issue has been on our minds. And his even later arrival of September 1st complicates things further.
A quick google search reveals this to be the “negotiable” cut off for kindergarten entrance. Thus, the make-it-or-break-it parenting question: Do we keep him in Pre-K? Or should we send him off to Kindergarten? Will he always be the baby in his class, or will he be the adolescent with facial hair when all his peers are a foot shorter? Do we offer him the academic challenges we think he is ready for? Or do we give him another year to grow and play? A number of factors play into our decision:
Developmental Advantages
When I approach this subject with mothers of older children, they unequivocally advise to “hold him back . . . especially because he’s a boy.” I appreciate and respect this advice—especially when its coming from parents of teenagers. And I get it. A study conducted at UC Santa Barbara found that children who are the oldest in their class performed better than their youngest peers on standardized math and science tests (K. Bedard and E. Dhuey, 2006).
Academic Confidence
Our son’s first “non-daycare” school environment was the most fantastic Montessori school. (We love you Miss Ellen and Miss Abby!) We loved the concept, and we loved that he was in a class of kids ranging in age from 3-6 so he could learn from his older peers. Instead? He saw his 4 and 5 year old classmates really succeeding at things his 3-year-old fine motor skills had never tried. And he felt defeated. When we tried to color with him, he handed us the crayon and said, “You do it, I’m not good at it.” Now he’s in a classroom of his true peers. His fine motor skills have further developed, and he proudly walks in the door showing off his latest masterpieces.
Sports
Giving our son another year to mature physically could also set him up for more success athletically. In his book, Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcom Gladwell supports the theory that kids who are “old for their grade” have a developmental advantage over their peers. This increases their chances of excelling in sports, school, and life. Further, I recognize that boys mature more slowly than girls. And my son could benefit from more time in his calm, supportive, playful environment — with teachers who are fair but firm.
What About Girls?
That said, I have concerns about having my son be the oldest, most physically developed kid in his class. Those concerns are predominately female—especially since (at age four) his head is turned by 20-something blondes at the grocery store. Yes. He already has a type.
But the Guilt . . .
And despite all the research supporting it, I feel guilty making the choice to hold him back—especially when he is so eager to learn! The kid is an academic sponge. He has all the questions about how things work and why. I see him sitting and practicing his letters. He even knows what chlorophyll is! According to his teachers, he meets the metrics for matriculation. Many of his classmates will be moving on—some with birthdays even later than his. A chat with one of these parents tapped at my guilt. Her reasoning for sending her son on? “He’s already big for his age, and he’s ready.”
Our Decision?
My gut tells me that my son—while he’s ready to sit, listen, and learn—is not quite ready to be in Kindergarten. Yes, he can manipulate scissors and sound out some words, but he still judges the quality of a classroom by the type and quantity of toys. He wants to run around and play. He needs to run around and play. And in the words of another mother in the same boat, “Once you’re in? You’re in.” No more nap time, vacation only during school breaks — and homework! My husband shares all my concerns and agrees. So we’re going to give our son one more year to enjoy his playtime (and ourselves one more year of mandatory nap time).
