It can be so hard to be comfortable in your own skin. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the appearance of other families and moms. While I may appear confident on the outside, I have struggled with being true to myself since childhood. It has taken me a long time to stop taking on other peoples likes and style and just be confident in my own skin. Motherhood has helped me do that, mostly because I no longer have time to pay attention to anyone else.
I have also decided it is OK to be whatever “kind of mom” is good for my family and works for me. If something doesn’t feel good or come easy to you, maybe it is not for you. And I don’t mean we should always be content and back away from things that are hard. It is just that the everyday things should not stress you out, like what outfit to wear to drop your kids at school.
I used to be so jealous when I saw the other “put together” moms at school drop off. These ladies walked in – showered, hair and makeup perfect and they smelled so good! Who are you I would think? How is it possible that you can look this amazing this early? As I stand there looking homeless in comparison, I would judge them. Honestly because I wanted to be them. Do they have a nanny? Maybe their husbands work from home. Could they be one of those genetically blessed people? I genuinely craved the ability to look like they did.
After rationally looking at the situation, I thought maybe they are just as stressed as me. The difference is that they choose to sacrifice that extra hour of sleep to get it together! I am not that girl. I like my sleep, a lot. So I stopped comparing. I decided to high five them in my brain, because they look fantastic while dragging 2 kids into school! I still plan to show up in my college t-shirts with crazy hair. But I stopped being insecure, because getting ready before my kids wake up just doesn’t fit into my life.
After years of struggling, I finally realized there are some things that I will never be good at. Could I do them if I set my mind to it? Sure! But these things don’t come natural to me so I’ve decided not to focus my energy on worrying about them anymore.
My house will never look like a Joanna Gaines masterpiece, no matter how many Pinterest boards I make. I am never going to be super room mom, but I thoroughly appreciate the moms that are! This might sound silly, I have always wanted to be a runner. And I have tried but running is just not for me and that is OK. I can still be healthy in other ways.
Through all of the things that are not me, I figured out what is me. More than anything else I am great at loving my kids. That is one thing that fits me like a glove. And right now that is really all I have to be for them. They don’t care if your hair is washed, if their dinner is made from scratch or if your living room looks like Southern Living. All they need is your heart. Sure I have other skills that set me apart and make me proud of myself. I’m not trying to put myself down. But when it comes to my family, all I have to be is me.
My point is that I was spending so much time looking at other people’s lives that I was not focusing on my own. My kids are not looking for the “room mom” to play with them, they are looking at me. They don’t want “mom with the good hair” to hug them when they are hurt, they want me. Stop trying to maneuver pieces into your life that don’t fit. We can all make positive changes and strive to clean up areas of our lives. But only if they make sense for your family. Eliminating the stress of trying to be anyone other me has taken a very long time to learn. But I can say that I am more comfortable in my own skin now than I have ever been before.
No matter what “type” of Mom you are if you love them so much it hurts and make decisions for their best interest – you are killing it! You might look like a model, have the dirtiest car on the planet, be a killer party planner or the best dodge ball player. Who ever you are, just be proud of that. Stop looking at everyone else, your kids are only looking at you!