I’m no fool; I knew my life would be different when I became a mother. Seven years and three kids in, and the ways my life is different are not entirely what I expected.
1. When I am driving around at midnight, I’m on my way to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital, and it’s an emergency.
Before kids, I would have been driving to a bar.
2. Now, when I say, “I’ll get the next round,” I’m at Chuck E. Cheese, and I’m talking about tokens.
Before when I said it, I was at the bar. And I was talking about beer.
3. Huh, seems like I went to bars a good bit before.
Now? Not so much.
4. The first time I heard the amazing Lauryn Hill sing “Killing Me Softly,” I was a freshman in college, and it was nearly twenty years ago. (Oh geesh, TWENTY years?!?)
The last time I heard that song? I was in my minivan in the parking lot of Costco, and I bribed my toddler with a Lunchable so I could listen to the entire song.
5. There are panties in my purse.
They aren’t mine.
6. Kristen Bell is no longer Veronica Mars or the girl who stood across from a full frontal Jason Segel.
She’s Anna. 100% all of the time Anna of Arendelle.
7. And speaking of Frozen, I can’t belt out songs in my car any more.
My kids tell me to stop. (7a. I went ahead and accepted Taylor Swift and her music into my life. I only 3% regret it.)
8. I now need java to start a day…and keep going.
I didn’t drink coffee before kids. (8a. At least I’m pretty sure I didn’t. My memory isn’t what it used to be.)
9. I do laundry and sweep floors constantly.
I remember doing laundry two times when I was single and kid free, and I’m positive I never swept.
10. I often go to bed before 9 pm, and I’m always up before 7 (if not earlier). Recently, I was up with the sun and texting one friend who had just stayed up all night with her kid’s first puke fest while texting another who was traveling to visit her family. She was telling me she could call me later if her kid didn’t fall asleep in the car. Why did I put down the phone from these scintillating conversations? To slather pink eye medication on some kid’s eyes.
Before kids? I was frequently going out for the night at 9 pm and going to bed right before 7 …
Bonus Difference (and the best one of all!): Before kids, I was always wondering what I was meant to do, and now I know.