When Your Career Takes the Third Row

A fashion designer by trade, Deborah decided to put the brakes on her career when her family started growing. She now has five children, aged 22 to four months old. You read that right. Five children—three of whom are under four years old.  She keeps the books for her husband’s businesses and homeschools her eldest daughter, a second grader. Meanwhile, combining her love for fashion, her knack for finding perfect and unique gifts for friends and family, and her passion to support small businesses, she manages a business that shines the spotlight on local boutiques around Nashville, Shopping from the Heart. Like all moms, she’s got a lot on her plate and is charting her own course to make it work.

How has parenthood enhanced or changed the way you view your work?     

Wow. How HASN’T it changed the way I view my work?!  I’d say it’s evolved with each child. With my first daughter, I still worked, and she went to daycare, but I immediately felt the pull to stay home. Of course, I SWORE I would never feel that way before she was born. I was very career-oriented before I had kids. Fast-forward 5 years to when my second daughter was born, and work was no longer the priority. I wanted to be at home with my kids. My job included traveling overseas a few times a year, so it was not a good fit with little ones. Work definitely took a back seat, and my priority was raising my kids. I didn’t realize how hard that would be on my own personal identity though. It was really tough for me when I first started staying at home full-time. By the time my third daughter was here, I had adjusted,and I knew I loved being at home with my kids but that I also needed something for me. I had done some freelance along the way to keep my network in place.  My work priority now is to do something I love—my kids are my #1 priority, so my work progress is slow sometimes, but I know I’m setting a good example for my kids (all girls except my oldest) by having my own identity apart from them.

What challenges have you found while working and staying home with your kids?

I homeschool, and our schedule is always evolving. Every time our schedule changes, I have to really adjust my own work schedule. That being said, these are the things I seem to really struggle with:

• Having enough energy when the kids are down for a nap or down for the night to finally get some of my own work done.
• Staying focused when going in and out of work while doing other things around the house and with the kids.
• Doing my data entry job and then having energy for my “dream job” which doesn’t make money yet.

Tell us why you do what you do—and how you get it done?

Kids need different things at different times, and work has to adjust to that for me to stay at home and be happy—and to have happy kids.  Everything is constantly changing. Working from home is not a 9-to-5 job. It’s a 12:30-2:30, 4-4:30, 7-10 job one day and a 7-8, 9-midnight job the next. Flexibility and making peace with it when the set schedule doesn’t happen is key. No flexibility + Life = Frustration.

What strategies have you embraced to make life easier?

1. I hired help!! I have someone clean the house once a week. I find that I feel the need to justify that when I tell people, but the amount of time I save and can put towards more important things is worth the expense. I looked for someone who I could afford to make it work. I also hired a nanny who is here part time four days a week. Again, I searched for the right person who was trustworthy AND affordable. I am still home with my kids, and I can give them one-on-one attention when they need it while the nanny keeps the others happy, and I’m not stuck at the house if I need to run out during nap-time. I consider it a necessity—especially since I homeschool my 8 year old (which includes outside classes).

2.  Scheduling! I was never a great scheduler/planner, but not doing that is just no longer an option if I want to stay sane. Every Sunday evening, I plan out my daughter’s homeschool schedule for the next week (I use a weekly schedule template I found online, and I created a daily checklist schedule/folder system for her). I plan out my schedule for the week as well as the meals we’ll have each night and a grocery list if needed. It takes me about an hour (if I don’t get pulled away), but I’d bet it saves me ten. I no longer have those panic attacks about forgetting an appointment or not having the logistics figured out ahead of time when the kids need to be in different places at the same time.

3.  I play volleyball!!!  That is my release. I play in a competitive league one night a week. It’s something that is just for me. It’s not work. It’s not about the kids. It’s just my thing that I love to do. As soon as I’ve been able to go back, I’ve continued to play after each child was born. 

The nuts & bolts:

How many kids do you have at the time of this post? 5 (22, 9, 3.5, 2, & 4 months)

How many hours do you typically work per week? 20-30 hours per week

When do you work? Weekday afternoons, nap time, night (after bedtime), & weekends

How many hours does your partner work per week? 41+ hours

What do your children do while you work? They sleep (nap or night), are watched by a nanny/sitter in my home (paid), and after naptime or right before bed, they like to watch a show. That’s pretty much the only time I can work while they are awake. They might play on their own for a bit, but with four little ones, someone gets hurt or takes a toy or needs a snack or needs a drink or…well, you get the picture.

How would you classify your current work for pay or trade? I provide a service primarily online (write, create, etc).

Is your current work related to your pre-parenthood career/studies/experience? No. It’s a brand new field and skill set.

How did you find your current job/clients? I made connections through my pre-motherhood professional network, and I made connections post-motherhood.                                        

What was your biggest motivator to work while staying at home with your children? I am an entrepreneur at heart. I don’t think I’ve ever only had one job. Having my own company is something I’ve always worked toward, and that desire didn’t go away when I had children.