In those early days of motherhood be found each other. Its like I won the lottery, to find this random group of ladies that I actually wanted to be around. All of us bringing something different to the table until all the pieces fit together. We grew together and pushed through the hardest parts of being new mothers. The doubts, crying, rough nights and worries were shared openly. Allowing us all to help each other and feel like humans again. Reassuring each other the hard moments will pass and that “NO” we weren’t doing this wrong. Endless text chains discussing everything from new recipes and baby whoa’s to the all important mom nights out. I had fallen into my perfect mom tribe.
And then it happened, slowly. The first one, and leader of the pack, told us she was moving. Nashville had brought most of us here for job opportunities and now they were leaving for the same reasons. Then a few months later we knew that two more would be leaving us. Its like this weird sense of loss, it takes you back to a childhood emotion of losing your best friend to a new friend, in this case a new city.
Nashville is an awesome to live in a city, its bringing people from all corners of the United States and beyond. All these new people bringing life to an already energized city. But that pull is not always permanent and I am slowly realizing this is an unstable friend city! The newness wares off, companies move, family needs change quickly and futures become uncertain. And now, here I am, mad at this city because I am losing my girls!
Slowly our tribe is dwindling and I don’t want new friends, I don’t want to start over because its hard. I fear they wont fully understand me. Those early days of figuring out how to mom bonded us like nothing else can. Starting the friend search over sounds like jumping into the dating pool after a divorce.
To find people with kids the same ages, similar interests and personalities that mesh is just too many boxes for me to fill in. It was easier when you just have one baby to tote around for play dates, where we once were able to finish a conversation. With two kids running around now, demanding 110% of my time its hard to maintain seeing the friends I already have.
Its also a little like a job interview. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? If you don’t say Nashville, I’m out! I am tired from raising my kids, I don’t have the will or energy to seek out new relationships. I also don’t want to put in all this effort and time only to lose more people that I grow to love.
These unexpected changes have altered my view on the city I have grown to love. Viewing it before, as this thriving metropolis that brought so much diversity and excitement. But now it looks a little machine to me, sucking people in with its wonders and magic only to spit them back out somewhere new.
Inevitably you meet knew people, I know this. Its not to say I haven’t made a single other friend outside of that group. The playground and school brings new, amazing people to you all the time. I just need to get out of my comfort zone and be open to growing all the relationships I have started. Before I was comfortable with my group and probably shut down making more friends unintentionally. Motherhood is a lonely space a lot of the time and I am know I am not the only one that thinks its hard to make friends.
So Nashville, I am really kind of mad at you, even though I love you. I just cant handle any more losses, don’t send any more of my tribe away because it breaking my heart.